Gone for the Summer

Hello dear friends,

As you know I am gone to Italy for the summer, and I will be back in July. Until then I plan to keep a very detailed personal journal, rather than this blog. In theory I will blog about the highlights of my trip when I get back, but we all know that promise may or may not come true. I will miss you dear friends. If you want to be able to reach me, facebook or email is the best way to do so as I will check it as often as I have internet access.

Today is May 5th. (Just in case you weren’t aware) Twenty days from today is May 25th.  Forty-Seven days from then is July 11th. So in short: Today/ Italy/Home.

Here my list of goals for this summer, as promised.

-Speak the Language: I know a fairly good amount of Italian already. I was fortunate enough to have a good, albeit frustrating, professor that was able to teach us well. However, of the Italian I know, I don’t actually speak it very well. I can read it, and decipher it, but that is what most of my practice has been. I really haven’t had much experience actually speaking the language. Infact, when I do, it’s quite the chore. My plan for this summer to really take every opportunity to speak. I have to forget that I know how to communicate in english for 47 days. If I don’t it will only be a crutch.

-Disappear: I am a product of my generation in that I do not know life with out today’s fast paced technology. I cannot comprehend how people survived in the days without a cell phone in their pocket whenever they needed it, or without having google available via wifi at every hot spot. I grew up with it. But while I’m in Cefelu I will not have a phone. This isn’t that I won’t be able to call home, but that I also will not have access to make local calls to my fellow group members. I’ll just have to figure it out. Also, I will not be taking my netbook. I will have internet access via internet cafes, but I’m going to try to limit my use of this to about twice a week. I realize this will be difficult for me to not have easy access to those I love back home, but I’m only going to experience this once. Sure I may go back in the future, but that’s a different experience, with different people at a different time. I want to disappear from America and live and experience everything I possibly can while I’m gone.

-Limit Emotional Meltdowns: If you know me at all, you know I will break down and cry at least once while I’m there. The stress of being an alien and disconnected from my comfort zone will get to me I’m sure. But I’m trying to be pro-active about it and prepare myself to be able to handle the culture shock with out a total breakdown.

-Learn: Not just the language. I want to be open to learning everything God has to teach me through this experience. I want to learn about myself, about Him, about others. I want to learn about Italian culture; big city and small southern a like. I think this experience has a huge potential for growth and I want to make the most of it.

-Return with Joy: I can see myself spending 47 wonderful, magical, exciting days in Italy and then returning back to Texas meeting it with bitterness. But this would be the worst way to end my trip. I want to make a conscious effort to be joyful about where I live, the job I have, and the life I lead here.

It’s early in the morning and I need coffee and strength. Today marks two weeks of school left, and three weeks of America left. I’m scared. I’m scared that I don’t have it in me to finish the semester out strong. I’m scared that I don’t have enough time to be prepared for Italy. I’m scared that even if I had another year I would never be prepared for Italy. I’m scared because I know I’m leaving all of my comforts and everything I’ve ever known behind. I’m going to be an alien among them. A stranger who doesn’t know their ways. I know there’s a lesson to be learned here, probably about putting my fears aside and trusting His guidance. I have one arm stretched out to Him saying Yes Lord, but the other is still clinging to fear not willing to let go.  Father, will you give me the peace that surpasses all understanding? I’d take that over coffee if I had to choose.

To Do List

SO MUCH TO DO!

I’ve broken the next 12 weeks down into segments: 4 weeks and 4 days/ 6 weeks and 5 days/ 4 days. So here’s how this works, along with the things I need to get done.

4 Weeks and 4 Days: Till I leave for Italy.

–Must Finish SCHOOL!!!!! Sounds easy right? Well within this 4 weeks and 4 days time frame, 3 weeks of that are still swamped with school. Which means exams. Comprehensive exams. Next week I have a real estate exam on Tuesday and an economics exam Friday, along with an Italian quiz (might as well be an exam) also probably on Friday. Then the next week I have a nutrition exam on Monday. Then all my final exams the week after that, including an oral Italian exam. Ugh.

–Preparation for Italy I need to come up with a packing list, go shopping for things I still need like a travel clothes line since italians don’t believe in washing machines or dryers….pay for summer semester, buy all books and school supplies

6 Weeks and 5 Days: Time I’ll be in Italy

–Week 1 and 2ish: Travel with mia madre. We are leaving on the 25th of May and she’s staying until the 6th of June. We’re going to start in Rome, then go to Florence, then spend a day in Tuscany on the way back to Rome to spend a few more days including a day trip to Pompeii. On the 6th my mom leaves and I meet up with my group to start day 1 of SUPER INTENSE LANGUAGE LEARNING.

–SUPER INTENSE LANGUAGE LEARNING: I’ve got  5 weeks to learn 2 entire semesters worth of Italian. Granted I’ll be completely immersed in the language seeing as how the 30 people going on this trip with me will be the only 30 people in the whole town that speak English. So I don’t really see learning the language being that hard. However I’m not naive enough to think that the first week or two wont be super stressful and hard. I’m prepared for my brain to hurt. A lot. The group meets in Rome and spends about 2 days there till we take a night train all the way down to the boot of Italy. Our main stay is in a very tiny town called Cefalu in Sicily. It’s right on the beach and only 30 minutes away from the capital of Sicily, Palermo. Our group leader, Jessica has been living in this town every summer for the past 7 years, so everyone who lives there knows her and already knows we are coming. We will have class every Monday through Friday for 5 hours in the morning. We will have “home”work to be done outside of class as well. Most every weekend Jessica has some fun activity planned for us, whether its horse back riding, an authentic cooking lesson or a weekend excursion to nearby places. We will be going to the top of Mt. Etna (a volcano) as well as touring the Aeolian Islands along with many other cities and landmarks. Later I’ll follow up with a post about my major goals while in Italy.

4 Days: Number of days until Cera’s wedding after I get home!!!

-Wedding Prep: I’ve been asked to be a bridesmaid in Cera’s wedding and I’m super excited about it! However, we both realize that I’ll only be in the country for 4 days prior to the big day, which is bound to bring on a bit of stress. Within these 4 days will be a crazy, exciting, super fun, chaotic mess of events such as bachelorette parties, rehearsal dinners, church decoration, wedding pictures, and so much more. I’ll no doubt need a good nights sleep after the 14 hour plane ride and jet leg, alot of grace from the Holy Spirit, and maybe a couple of energy drinks along the way. All the craziness aside though, I think it will be wonderfully beautiful 4 days, that I am honored to be a part of, and will remember as an amazing way to end my trip.

Today I spent a large chunk of time out near the lake reading. Earlier, I had picked up a book called “Buck Naked Faith”  and decided to read it. I bought it my junior year in high school for a bible study group, but never read it. So I thought, “why not….beats buying a new book.” It’s about taking an objective look at your spiritual life and determining where and why your faith and growth are being stunted. Anyway, back to the lake, I always think best near water. I believe it has something to do with the fact that I am acutely aware of creation and the grandeur of God when I’m near a body of water. Yes, even if that body of water is wonderful, man-made, Lake Lewisville. Being around bodies of water calms me. I love the soothing sounds of waves curling onto the shoreline, the coo of nearby birds, and the wind that sweeps across the cool water. But most of all, I like that bodies of water bring me back to a blunt realization that God is BIG and I am so utterly not.

I have an insatiable need to be significant. I discovered this about myself today.

Back to the book. The author challenged me to examine my life and pin point areas that I “binge” or rather, that I (in christiany terms) worship or idolize in place of God. Essentially, to discover what my major sin areas are. I found that the areas I pin pointed all stem from the same origin. I have an insatiable need to be significant. Meaning I care far more about what the world and the people within the world think about me rather than what God thinks about me. All my sin areas stem from my desperate desire to be accepted and embraced by the world. This is not right. It’s sin manifesting itself in so many different ways.

So while I was sitting near the body of water acutely aware of my tiny speck of a life in comparison to all creation, I felt insignificant. While I was feeling insignificant, I discovered my nasty addiction to feeling significant. While I was thinking about my addiction to significance I was reminded that He loves me anyway. While I was being reminded of His love, I was intensely aware that the God of the universe, creator of all things, in His perfect majesty is BIG. I am not. But He loves me anyway. That. Is. Significant.

Thank you Lord for bringing significance to my life.

Miles and maintenance go hand in hand. For example, my car currently has about 82 thousand miles on it. At 77 ish miles I was supposed to get an oil change. I’m a procrastinator by nature so naturally I have yet to get this done. To even further my point about procrastinating, I’m not even worried about paying for it because I get it done for free this time through my dealership. I’m just simply to lazy to take care of the maintenance. I know that if I ignore standard maintenance long enough my car will begin to not perform as well, and eventually it will stop working all together. But I’m lazy.

Miles and maintenance go hand in hand.

It is just as true with your spiritual life as it is with cars. As you journey through life regular maintenance should be kept up in order to continue growing.  A pruning of the branches if you will. I know that if this maintenance is ignored then I begin to perform poorly, letting my sin nature get the best of me. I begin to lose sight of the goal. But I’m lazy. And I procrastinate. And I continue to go more miles ignoring the much needed maintenance.

However, God is faithful and God is consistent, and ignoring maintenance will always lead to breaking down. So that is where I am. I’m stopped on the side of the road watching others zoom by. I’m kinda jealous, but I know that I’m where I need to be. I need some work. Just a bit of routine maintenance to get me back on track. The shop is a scary place though; it’s where you find out all your faults and broken areas. But God is faithful and this process leads to healing. Amen.

I really don’t know what to write about. It’s not because I have nothing to talk about. It’s because I’m still stuck in the middle of so much. I’m happy. It’s a nice change. I’m not happy because life is wonderful, but because I’m choosing joy. I’ve been jaded for a while. Hardened, darkened, cynical. But all of that is falling away. The outer shells that have stifled out my light are breaking down. It’s good. He’s good. I knew that, but I’m beginning to believe it more again. Questo giorno è buon giorno.